Mostly Michelle Marie

Bringing Inside Thoughts Out

  • Happy Birthday, Kiddo! We Made It!

    Happy birthday to the past and painfully young me. If eyes are the window to the soul, those eyes would reveal the storm raging in our most unquiet mind. Feeling unseen, irrelevant and invisible while at the same time trapped and claustrophobic. No power, no rage, no fists striking out blindly in anger; only the… Read more

  • Into the Looking Glass I Go

    I can’t see a mirror without thinking of magic portals and hidden worlds of incredible beauty where fantastical creatures roam. Centaurs and fairies, nymphs and unicorns alike, residing together in this mystical place. Mirrors are magical to me; from the first time I looked into a mirror and saw a wild child with curly hair,… Read more

  • Gifts and Curses from Heaven and Hades

    I sat with my anger long enough to let the flames to burn out, the roaring rage die down to a hoarse whisper and only then did she reveal her true face; the dark beauty that is grief. They say that grief is love that has nowhere to go and I feel that is true… Read more

  • Grace After the Fire; A Story of Redemption, Recovery and the Healing Power of Laughter

    My thoughts on the story of Brett Butler, star of Grace Under Fire and one of my very favorite stand up comics, telling it like it is straight from the lips of a legit Southern Belle, born and raised in the South. She may have left the South, but it never left her. Unnecessary disclaimer:… Read more

  • My Heroes Have Always Been Weirdos

    I have never been a fan of the conformist, the bland and the banal. I have been a secret admirer of those who live their lives with the sound on, full blast and an energy so bright, they are a symphony in sight. They are as magnificent as peacocks, they are the most beautiful and… Read more

  • Once More – Back to Rehab – Take 4

    ‘”Tis a lesson you should heed, try, try again. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try, try again. Then your courage should appear, for if you will persevere, you will conquer, never fear, try, try, try again…” -from A Selection of Hymns and Poetry for the Use of Infant Schools and Nurseries, 1838 They… Read more

  • Fear and Self-Loathing in Sacramento

    Heads up – it’s a long one! It was a dark and stormy night in late December in a small cow town with big-city dreams called Sacramento that brought Michelle Marie Me into this world. The doctor was leaving for a golf/Christmas holiday in Florida and I wasn’t quite ready to join the world just… Read more

  • Miley, the Golden G-String and Me

    Whether you hate her, love her, don’t know who she is and/or don’t care, most people are aware of the force of nature that is Miley Cyrus. I never watched Hannah Montana, never really felt any sort of kinship with her (she’s quite a bit younger than me being the most obvious) but I can… Read more

  • An Embarrassment of Riches

    I started writing this post on Christmas Eve 2018, three days after my party celebrating my retirement from the City of Folsom after 21 years of service. The good, the bad, the punching walls in stalls of the ladies’ room so I wouldn’t punch an actual person, such as that annoying next door neighbor that… Read more

  • Unanswered Prayers and Unimaginable Blessings

    Garth Brooks, Catholic school, desperate times and unanswered prayers. Read more

  • The Star and The Angel

    Many moons ago, a star was struck by a passing comet that broke his arm clean off his star body. He was lucky enough to be able to save the arm, even though he was in shock and more than a little bit mad at the rude comet, flying while distracted. He put his arm… Read more

  • Trees Make the Wind (Revisited – originally published May 2020)

    Disclaimer: this post is not meant to say that I have no respect for psychologists, doctors and other mental health professionals. I have the upmost respect and appreciate everything my doctors over the years have all done to save me from myself and keep me alive and functioning as well as I have. This is… Read more

  • The Promise

    Sometimes we need to stop merely existing and instead begin fully living. Read more

  • The Summer of ’89

    It was a hot Sacramento day in the summer of 1989. Read more

  • Old Friends, Auld Lang Syne Revisited

    Original post a long time ago (12/29/2018). Edited for hindsight, lessons learned and added content. “There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship.” – Thomas Aquinas Today I was going through some photos and came across a batch from my second trip to Scotland; the trip where I met my… Read more

  • You Didn’t Know It, But…

    If you have been brutally broken but still have the courage to be gentle to other living beings, then you’re a badass with the heart of an angel. -Keanu Reeves You didn’t know it, but that day you dragged me out of my apartment was the day I realized I really am not alone. You… Read more

  • The Dress of Destiny

    Thrift shopping white gown with pearls Read more

  • The Unexpected Answer to the Unspoken Question

    I had a thought today about how little of my life I have spent in sobriety; I feel as though it’s a place I like to visit but would never seriously consider moving to. It makes me wonder if this is perhaps yet another way in which I self-sabotage myself or at the very least,… Read more

  • R.I.P. Bestie

    Rest in peace, bestie who I believed you to be. Rest in peace, the oldest, dearest part of me. Rest in peace, that child who felt she was never enough; Rest in peace, little one, I know it’s been rough. Rest in peace to the girl who always felt judged, who didn’t really lie about… Read more

  • I’ll Never Say Good-bye.

    I’ll never say good-bye to you. I’ll never think of you as gone; you’re still curled up, tucked in and filling the entirety of my heart. You’re the voice in my head that tells me to keep going, believe in myself, keep the faith and stay strong. You’re the one who I think of when… Read more

  • Return To My Childhood Castle

    Where does a 7-year-old go to when the world gets to be too much? Well, if you’re me, you go to your castle. Rather like the mind palace of Sherlock Holmes but instead of holding information, this castle houses a little girl and all the feelings and fears she brings with her. It provides a… Read more

  • I Love You Like Meat Loves Salt

    My very first acting role was in first grade of a Catholic school in the early 70’s (you can do the math, it’s fine) at the Christmas Nativity scene play, where I played the role of Jesus’ mom, Mary. During rehearsals for the play, we had a plain little baby doll of no particular sex… Read more

  • Waiting for Bliss – Practicing the Lost Art of Delayed Gratification

    “Success is sweet and sweeter if long delayed and gotten through many struggles and defeats.” -Amos Bronson Alcott I have long struggled with impulse control; that need for immediate gratification and instant reward the moment the task has been completed. I had thought of this as a personality trait and nothing more until recently. Someone… Read more