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I had a thought today about how little of my life I have spent in sobriety; I feel as though it’s a place I like to visit but would never seriously consider moving to. It makes me wonder if this is perhaps yet another way in which I self-sabotage myself or at the very least,…
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I have long seen, heard and felt the pain that grown men of all ages carry around with them like a heavy, rain-soaked wool coat. I can see it on some by the slumped shoulders that are curved from decades of wear. I see it on others like a badge of honor, proudly displaying it…
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Happy Birthday, Kiddo! We Made It!
2024, 57-years-old, adult-children-of-alcoholics, bipolar disorder, birthday, buddy-christ, Catholic, childhood, december, family, gift-to-myself, happy-birthday, i-love-you, indoctrination, its-my-birthday-month, jesus, kiddo, life, love, mental health, self-love, success, this-year, trauma, unquiet-mind, Winter SolsticeHappy birthday to the past and painfully young me. If eyes are the window to the soul, those eyes would reveal the storm raging in our most unquiet mind. Feeling unseen, irrelevant and invisible while at the same time trapped and claustrophobic. No power, no rage, no fists striking out blindly in anger; only the…
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The Only Thing That Really Matters Is Love
2018, apartment, bad idea, baggage, beloved, California, childhood, Christmas, common sense, compassion, concern, dead of winter, dopamine hit, event planner for end of days, family, gift, good idea, grace, healing, ice, Jefferson Airplane, Kindness keeps you young, letting go, life, Logic, Long Term Friends, love, Magnificent Disaster, mania, material goods, Meanness makes you old, mental health, Mid-West, Minnesota, Out of the Cage, Practical Magic, rent, retirement, Retirement She’s Come Undone 2018 Tour, Scion xB, Scotland, Scrabble, snow, The Committee, travel, trippy, vacations, White Rabbit, worn-out teddy bear, Worst Case Scenario, Wright BrothersWhen I retired and thought my destiny would be found in a tiny little town in Minnesota in the dead of winter, I reveled in the freedom of being able to tie a pretty little bow in what had become my past and move forward with all the energy and gusto of a professional deal…
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I Love You Like Meat Loves Salt
acting, Appalachian history, audience, baby doll, blood-curdling, Catholic school, cats, cry, daughters, Dave Tabler, ear deafening, fable, father, first grade, folktale, grade school, human baby, Joan of Arc, John W, Joseph, kid, king, kingdom, little girl, live, meat loves salt, men, no offense, parable, performance, scream, servants, St. Gertrude, stray cat, third grade, wailMy very first acting role was in first grade of a Catholic school in the early 70’s (you can do the math, it’s fine) at the Christmas Nativity scene play, where I played the role of Jesus’ mom, Mary. During rehearsals for the play, we had a plain little baby doll of no particular sex…
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Waiting for Bliss – Practicing the Lost Art of Delayed Gratification
1983, 2023, Amos Bronson Alcott, bells of bliss, bliss, cast out, checking in, chemistry, Christmas, delayed, destiny, destroyed, Don Quixote, Fate, fire of empathy, fireworks, flames of compassion, Forever, good souls, gratification, guided tour, Hanukkah, impulsivity, Kwanzaa, lies, light, Nipsey Hussle, Non-Delusional, nostalgic, Oprah, random dude, rebuild, soulmate, thank you, The Plan, The Way, Thinking, truth, unloved, windmills, Winter Solstice“Success is sweet and sweeter if long delayed and gotten through many struggles and defeats.” -Amos Bronson Alcott I have long struggled with impulse control; that need for immediate gratification and instant reward the moment the task has been completed. I had thought of this as a personality trait and nothing more until recently. Someone…
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Comfortably Dumb
battle, books, busty, clarify, comfortably dumb, comfortably numb, devices, domestic goddess, dumb, false gods, fiber of being, gratitude, learn, library, marvel, morally bankrupt, old people, poor unfortunate souls, road rage, screens, sheeple, sky, soulless, space cadet, Spoiler Alert, sunrise, sunset, traffic, tribe, universe, vapidMost of you know that I have a very hate/hate relationship with traffic and specifically, people in their cars doing absolutely everything EXCEPT driving. If it’s not the ever-present cell phone or various screens of various sizes channeling varieties of nonsensical bullshit and self-serving, narcissistic narcotics to the masses, it’s some other stupid thing. It’s…
Mostly Michelle Marie 